A new year is in sight and everyone seems to be on the hunt for love—first love, new love, more love—for the love of all things Hallmarky and romantic . . .
I’m not trying to be Dr. Phil here, but to those of you who happen to be in that hunting camp, may I suggest you try hunting? Or golfing, fishing, or baseball-watching—whatever it is that will get you to that place that already has a piece of your current or potential love’s heart. Here’s why:
There’s something about shared pastimes and adventures that cultivates love. According to Scientific American, “Some of the greatest moments of intimacy in a relationship come from the simple joys of cooking or exercising together, exchanging intellectual ideas over common readings, learning a new and challenging skill… going on travel adventures.”
Recent research also seems to indicate that when it comes to personal interests, opposites don’t actually attract. Personally, I believe they are more likely to distract—especially when it comes to relationships in which two people are struggling to find common ground. I’ve noticed that wives often harbor grudges against their husbands for spending their free time on the water, in the woods, or on the green with their “mistress” (a boat, a bow, or golf club); and some husbands often gripe about their wives’ obsessions with Target, Pinterest, or running.
Guy time, girl time, and alone time are all important, but I wonder what would happen if we were all a little more willing to put ourselves out there, to really experience what our loved ones love and to take part in the kind of adventures that make them come alive. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em”, right?
As a little girl, my idea of romance was Cinderella and Prince Charming, riding off on a white horse to happily ever after. Now it’s putting the kids to bed and cuddling with the hubs and reading the latest issue of Field and Stream magazine together. It’s target practice with our bows. It’s begging my mom to watch the kids, getting up at 4 AM, and sneaking out of the house to climb a mountain in the dark to see if we can find any elk.
While these things might sound more like torture than romance to some, they’ve surprisingly become the most enjoyed, dreamy, and memory-making moments—for both of us. But it may not have turned out that way if I hadn’t taken that first humble step into my husband’s world and asked if he could show me around.
Growing up, I enjoyed hunting and fishing with my dad or friends now and then, but I didn’t love it—not like I do now. My husband, on the other hand, has always been an avid hunter and fisherman. When we married, I would pity myself when he’d go off on one of his hunting trips and resented the fact that he could have been spending all that time with me. But then he’d return so refreshed. As he related stories from his time in the mountains, there was a brightness in his eyes and excitement in his voice and hands that became . . . seductive. I finally decided that maybe his outdoor escapades could become our escapades. They did, and I’ve never looked back.
There are plenty of happy couples out there who have absolutely no common pursuits, and plenty of unhappy ones who do. Whatever the case, stepping away from our comfort zones or preconceived notions once in a while and showing genuine interest in our partner’s passions brings connection. Something to talk (or laugh) about. Something to complain less about. Maybe even something to turn into a dual endeavor or affair to remember.
The point is that if you’re hunting for love, you must be willing to venture out and chase it. Maybe you won’t need to, but you must be willing. At the heart of true love, after all, is a willingness to sacrifice. Think Lord of the Rings’ Arwen, who gave up a life of immortality to be with her love; or Jesus, who gave the ultimate sacrifice and embodied love itself.
I think I can safely say that most of us are a far cry from Arwen or Jesus; sometimes just getting our booties off the couch to do something our honey wants us to do feels like a “sacrifice”. But intentionally giving of our time and physical presence speaks volumes to one’s heart, particularly when we readily walk ourselves into territory in which our significant other would love to have apartner in crime. It says that our devotion is not constrained to a self-serving box and widens the channels for reciprocation.
So join the hunt to fuel love’s fire. You never know what you might find.
Photo Credit: Cindy Mae Jessop 3/14 Photography